Will You Save Me?

Brokenhearted is by definition: crushed by sorrow, grief, or disappointment; inconsolable. Every felt this way? Isn't funny how your day can start off with rainbows, sunshine, and blue skies, then turns to grey clouds, rain and then finally ends in diaster, which brings disappointment. I'm having one of those days. Today, as day has turned to night, things have broken me. Being broken is a terrible way to feel. I have been shattered before and I am not sure my heart and soul have been completely pieced back together. I wish I had never been broken in the first place, but that was inevitable. I care about people and things tooooooooo much. My heart can hold so much love for people that it hurts sometimes. Somedays I wish I could be one of those people who do not care but then I know that I would be cold and numb. Somedays I wish to be numb to some feelings....this would make it were there was no pain. As I sit here and write this I cannot help but think about how one day in heaven we will no longer feel pain, sorrow, grief, or disappointment. Somethings in life can be going so well then one day out of the blue, just end or fall apart. Why? I wish I knew. If I did I would not let it happen. Ever. I know what makes us weak can also make us stronger once we overcome it. Somethings can break a person so much they turn into someone who they never thought they would become. This has happened to me. I was happy, I think. Or maybe I convinced myself I was. Somedays I love who I have become...other days, I despise my own reflection. Wish I could say this does not happen often, but that would be a lie. Seems the more steps I take to were the lord wants me to be, the more it hurts. I know it is the devil trying to fight me...but I'm tired. I am tired of hurting. I have surrendered it all to the Lord but what does it bring, more....borkenheartedness. I want to be whole, but I think sometimes a heart can be broken so many times it cannot be mended anymore. When it is put back together, it is full of holes and scuff marks. Even though, my heart is broken....I still feel with the little pieces in a big way. I love to feel for others, but this leads to pain most of the time....except for the few exceptions. It feels as if I care for people who do not care about me. I just want someone to care about me. A person can only give so much and not recieve anything. I know it is better to give than recieve, but I am talking about love. You can only give so much until you have none left because you have not been loved yourself. This is the point were people quit caring. I do not want this to be me. I do not want to be cold, withdrawn, lonely, or numb. Something in my life has to give. Living this way 24/7 cannot continue....or I fear one day I will find myself in a place (not physically) that I would be completely lost (not spiritually-emotionally and mentally). I hanging on by a thread. I save people when they are about to be lost, but.....Who is going to save me?