Waiting for You

Ever feel alone or that you seem to cease to exist to some people? I do....especially today. I have felt really lonely today. It seems that I have a void that I can't fill. I have Christ and he fills every part of my heart and soul, but it see like something is missing. It feels like a piece of me is missing and I am searching for it but have not found it yet. When will I find it? Or will I ever find it? I want something to look forward to every morning I wake up, someone to look forward to seeing. I have been looking through old photos and I see how happy my parents were when they first got married and when they had each of us (their kids). I want to feel that happiness. I want someone to actually care if I exist, to love me when no one else does, to hold me when things get overwhelming and tell me it is gonna be OK. I know this is not gonna happen until the Lord decides it is my time. I do not wanna go from one person to the next...trying to find the person I am meant to be with. I want the lord to send me the right one this next time, because I am tired of my heart being broken. Not sure how much would be left it is was broken many more times. To me every time you get your heart broken a piece of you is chipped away, never to get it back. The lord can heal but the flesh can always feel the heartbreak. Everyone has felt heartbreak and I think that when you find your other half, your hearts will go together and be one. That is what I want feel....I want to feel completely whole again. But will this ever happen for me? I know when the time is right, or this is what friends and family tell me, but I am not getting any younger. I know I am not that old but I guess I see everyone around me that are 2 and 3 yrs younger and they are married, already having kids....so, they got their happy ending, where is mine? All I feel I can't really talk to anyone about, because all I get is the time isn't right, maybe they are not ready, maybe your not ready....I know all this. I know God has a plan for me....I'm just tired of waiting...I know I have to have patience when it comes to this, because I do not want to make a mistake in this area of my life. As I spoke in my first post, I struggle with loneliness, but some days are worse than others. Today has been one of those days. I just don't want to feel lonely anymore. I hope I don't have to feel this way much longer, because I am ready to find my other half, so that I can be whole again. I am ready to stop getting heartbroken and getting my hopes up believing in guys that keep letting me down. Some past relationships I thought this could work, I could see myself with this person and then I turn around and they decide they don't need me or want me, so I get kicked to the curb again. Heartbreak can put a person in a shell, build walls so people can't get in. I am too afraid to actually care for someone because I don't want to feel pain...I don't want to be hurt. I keep my feelings boxed up, not to share with anyone, because the less people know, the less they want to help you because they feel sorry for you. All the pain, betrayal, and heartbreak can cause a person to even block out the people (friends and family) that actually care. Because you don't even want to let the, because of them hurting you too. I don't let people get to close because of this....when they try I push. I smile and say everything is fine. I want to actually smile and say everything is alright, because it is the truth, not because I want people to think everything is alright. One day, hopefully not far, the person the Lord has created to be my other half will come along and make things whole, to stop all the heartbreak, to feel the other half of my heart......to actually, genuinely love me. Until this happens, all I can do it wait, wait for you.....as long as it takes.