Mending Heart

A heart was not made to be broken. It was made to be Loved. That is all I ever wanted, yet everytime I thought I meant something to someone...it was broken. It has been broken a few times and each time I am left to pick up the pieces while the other person goes on with their life like I never happened. How can someone do this? How can you not care that you hurt someone, that you took a piece of them away? This just does not make sense to me. I am tired of being hurt. I want to find someone that I am meant to be with and do this without all the heartache. Is this possible? I see all the happy people in happy, fun relationships...my question, what did I do wrong? This confuses me. After this thing that happened, I am not sure I want someone right now, but then another part of me does. I got a small taste of what it was like to feel for someone and someone "feel" for me...well I thought anyways. So, right now I am mending my heart. Getting it back in working order. A persons heart can only feel so much pain then if feels as if it is going to explode, then it feels as if you cannot feel at all. Next, it feels anger but in my anger I feel something different. I do not really feel anger just feelings for this person. Geez, everything got so complicated. I should of known that I would get hurt, because that is usually what happens. I feel anyone I tell I am bothering them with my problem. Anyways, this other person dropped me like I was nothing and now they are back happy with someone else after just a few days...how can a guy do this? Can you really be so heartless to treat someone this way? I dont understand How you cannot feel something when you hurt another human being. I guess this is my big heart talking. So, now I have to mend myself, alone.....while the other person gets to pick up where they left. I am so hurt, so broken because of this person. Yet, I cannot show it because it would seem as if I was desperate. I'm not, I'm just hurt....and they don't care. Bummer. But in the end this will all be better. The lord is with me and he will help me through this and will lift me up and send me the most amazing person than I could ever imagine.

Pain

My mind is running is circles, what I would give if it would stop. I need some relief from all the thoughts that play in my mind. I've had a situation in my life, that is still happening, and I am not sure what to do about it. I want this to happen and I thought it was meant to happen, then a kink was thrown in. Everything was going so well then this happened and things have totally changed for the worse on my end. I guess Iam not worth much in this situation. I thought I could be involved without getting my heart involved, well that did not happen. This things felt so good and was so good that I just kinda fell. I am working on picking myself up and it is hard when the people involved do not care. This is one of the reason I do not want to be involved in things like this. This whole situation has ruined me and the thing is it is my fault. I should have known better than to even try. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put ourselves into a situation that we know is probably going to end bad and yet we submerge ourselves it. We think, "We won't let anything bad happen this time." Ha, I should have known not to trust this. The weird thing is, is that I still want this. This doesn't bother, but it is the fact I don't think I will get it. Some of the things that I do just shock me. All I want is happiness but I am not sure happiness is meant to find me. What if, happiness is for everyone else in the world, but not me. I want to believe it is, but everytime I become happy it is ripped away. This is what has brought me to the conclusion. I wish could do things without getting involved without my heart. I want it to be that way from now on. I am tired of being hurt and this is the only way to fix it. Not feel. Feeling hurts but if you are incapable of being hurt, then that is the way to be. So from now until I change my mind, my heat is locked in a box....never to be involved in anything. That may sound cold hearted but it is better than letting people crush you to nothing. But like I said earlier that is my fault, so no more will I let this happen. This is the only way to not this happen again.

Pain Pouring in...

It's all I can Feel, yet

I hide behind a smile.

That is all you will ever see.

I plead and plead for it to stop,

To have just one second of happiness,

one second to breathe.

But here I am still breaking inside,

hiding all the pain.

Praying one day it will stop,

just so I could breathe.