Today Begins My Journey Back To Happiness

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade....but as I would say right now life is chasing me down a road throwing lemons violently, yelling make lemonade. At this point, I lay down and give up, but it still insist on just beating me until I or anyone else is able to recongnize who I am. I am so bruised and beaten from things happening to me. I just keep wondering when it is going to stop. I am begging for it to. I am just being tortured and humiliated by the way things keep happening. Today, I became a person I never thought I would be. I miss who I was a year and half ago before him. I want that girl back. I was so strong and independent and then he came along and I depended so much on him and it just broke me. I want to be me again. I want to smile, feel joy, love, happiness.....I don't want to be depressed about life thinking that there is no way out. I don't even know how to begin to pull myself up and make myself move....I am so hurt and in pain I just want to lay down and never get up. I thought letting him come back would be different....jokes on me. I want to find happiness and true love. I want to feel again and not be so numb and hard hearted towards everyone and everything. I want to have faith....most of all peace. So as of today I am doing what I can for me. I have never been a selfish person but today is the day I put my needs over everyone else and pick myself, and keep moving. Life will bring good things for me, just got to get back to a place were I am happy, smiling, and can love again. Today is a new day. I will get my happy ending.