Hope Chest

Hope, in the Bible is defined as, "Confident Expectations". I really like this because I have started something new, a Hope Chest. This was the lords idea instilled in me. I have talked to a dear friend of mine about always being on my own and how terrible it is, but here lately I have come to realize that this is the position the lord wants me to be in at this point in my life. People my age think they have to marry now and have kids. Well for me, if the lord wanted this at this point in my life I would already be there and I'm not. He spoke to my heart that by starting this hope chest was a way to keep me looking forward to what he will bring and to keep me patient while he is working on it. This definition, "Confident Expectations"is what this Hope chest is for me. I am confident that one day he will bring along the 2nd love of my life and that everything that I want will be surpassed by what he knows I need and want. So, while other other friends in my life are making plans to get married and some have kids, I will be living my life to the fullest serving the lord in everyway possible. I am very excited about this Hope chest, not sure why...I guess because it gives me something to look forward to. All I know is I will contiune to be content with who I am and how I am while the lord is working on my future. This means one less thing to worry about, which I LOVE! With this idea I give the credit to the lord because he gave me the idea and he has made the way for me to get started! I cannot wait to see what is waiting at the end of this hope chest!

*Sigh*

Tired, exhausted, worn out, weary, dog-tired, all in, bushed, drained, beaten, shatter...the list goes on and on. These words all describe what some people in my life have made me feel like. Yet, everyday I let people keep making me feel this way. Christ never said life would always be easy but it should not make you feel this way all the time. I sometimes wonder if life would be easier, or better without me in it. Or if the people who make me feel this way were not in my life, would I be happier, better? Some days I just want to throw in the towel and walk away but Christ did not and won't, so I did not see it would be right for me to. But would the Lord understand if I did walk away from these people? So many questions and I keep praying and yet I get no answers. I am being patient, but I need answers or I am going to break. Most days, I feel good, these things do not even cross my mind but other days I just want to leave everyone and everything behind, cry and then forget everything. But the funny thing about life, no matter how far you go, it follows. Some people in my life make me feel like I'm inferior...they are all about #1-themselves. But every once in awhile you find a person who is good and kind. These are the people who are rare and hard to come by and when you find one or two hang on tight, because these are the people who will never walk away from you. There is one person in my life in particular that has always walked on me, though they were better, and I am tired of this person making me feel like I am nothing. I guess they do not realize that it hurts to do people that way. A person can only be broken and chipped away at until they break and walk away. I keep wanting to believe one day the person will change but I do not see this happening any time soon and it breaks my heart because of today I think I am finished. I'm walking away, for the first time ever. I think it is best for me, because I do not want to be completely shattered to the point where it is impossible to put me back together.